A relationship break is a break-up.

I’ll be honest.

Hi there,

Today, I want to talk about something that definitely brings up a lot of opinions: breaks. (Ross and Rachel’s “break” in Friends became a yearslong discussion both on and off the show.) I’ll share why so many people try them, misconceptions, and ultimately, my take on if — overall — they work.

To be clear: Every conversation about relationships requires nuance, because every single relationship is different. So my aim is to speak generally about breaks on the whole. And I’m not talking about a few nights of space to get perspective after conflict — I’m referring to defined, extended pauses in a relationship that can mean living apart, dating other people, or going no-contact.

Over my career, I’ve heard from people who take breaks in their relationships for all kinds of reasons, but they all boil down to one particular goal: “You fix you. I’ll fix me. Then let’s see if we can make it work.”

I’ve heard all kinds of versions of “fixing:” Regaining autonomy. Gaining experience outside the relationship or experimenting. Healing from trauma or your own attachment wounds. Maybe the couple plans to go to therapy independently or pursue individual hobbies or passions. Maybe they want to find out who they are.

But here’s my question to people thinking of taking a break: What happens next?