How Long Should You Give It Before Deciding There’s No Spark?
On staying open without settling for less than you deserve.
Hi there,
A reader question :
I’m just starting to see someone new, and I really like him. He’s funny and kind, and we can talk for hours. We align on important values. But, I’m not that physically drawn to him — he’s not my usual physical type. (He’s not bad-looking at all! But when I look at him, I don’t exactly want to tear his clothes off.) I just don’t feel the spark like I have in the past with others. We do have some intense, non-sexual chemistry, like intellectual chemistry and emotional chemistry. But I want to want him.
My question is: Can sexual desire and attraction grow when it’s not there from the start? If so, how? And if not, what should I do here? I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to lose that part of myself, either.
Can attraction grow for someone you are not immediately physically into?
The short answer is yes. But there is a whole conversation that needs to happen around that yes before you just decide to white-knuckle your way through a relationship hoping your body eventually gets on board.
Let’s get into it.