Date yourself.

An intense exercise for learning your needs.

Hi there,

Summer’s finally here, and I am so excited for Date Yourself Month. This month is all about your relationship with you.

We’ve talked about a major green flag in a potential partner: their curiosity about you. And so this month, we’re going to turn that curiosity inward.

Today, I’m answering a reader question that gets to the heart of self-understanding. She writes:

I’m at a point in my life where I feel ready for long-term partnership. I want to find my life partner — someone to share this world with. But the truth is that I don’t have the greatest track record with relationships. I tend to get serious with people I’m attracted to, but eventually find something is missing. And when they ask why I seem so unhappy, I can’t find the words to explain why.

Still, I end up feeling resentful that they aren’t giving me what I need, and the relationship inevitably comes apart. But the truth is: I don’t know what I need. So I’m ready to take accountability. I want to learn what my needs are.

Where do I even start? How do I begin to understand what my needs are so I can communicate them to potential partners? 

This is a really brave question — and this reader specifically is hoping to take on some responsibility for her own life and relationships. That’s the exact right place to start.

Let’s get into it.