It’s time to enforce your boundaries
Plus: a special gift
Hi there,
We’ve been talking about boundaries this month, and I want to get into the hard truth: They only work when you enforce them.
Today, I want to dig deep on why we choose not to enforce our own boundaries — and the heartache that’s waiting on the other side. And I want to provide a different path forward — and a special gift from me to you — that can help you commit to protecting your boundaries and your heart.
Let’s get into it.
You might avoid enforcing your boundaries because:
You’re afraid of losing love. It’s an insecurity that so many of us can relate to, and your fear is telling you that if you speak up for what you need, your partner might leave you or withhold their love from you.
The chemistry blinds you from seeing the red flags. You might have an intense spark with someone that totally outshines your commitment to your boundaries.
You think you don’t deserve the version of love you truly want. Your anxiety tells you that your desires for safety and trust are asking too much, and so you water down your boundaries.
Do any of these sound familiar? I don’t blame you if they do — from cultural conditioning to how we were raised — so many of us can easily find excuses to avoid enforcing our boundaries.
Boundaries are part of healthy relationships.
Boundaries are how we prevent resentment, suffering, and pain. You simply cannot have a relationship that thrives without enforcing your boundaries and respecting your partner’s in return.
So, you’ll need to get confident about your boundaries — and be able to define and articulate them to a date, lover, and partner. I encourage you to start by asking yourself these questions — and really dedicate time to reflect and journal your responses.
What are your sexual boundaries? What are your limits? How long is comfortable for you to wait until you sleep with someone?
What’s a dealbreaker for you in a relationship?
How do you want to be spoken to? How do you want to argue — and where’s the line in an argument in terms of escalation?
How long are you comfortable being casual before you want a commitment?
How do you feel about your partner’s interaction with other people? What constitutes flirting, and what constitutes a transgression?
What do you absolutely need — no matter what — in a relationship?
First you must know what your boundaries are. Then you must be willing to enforce them. But when it comes to actually drawing a line in the sand and enforcing your boundaries, you might need to draw on your bravery. And you’ll need to choose yourself.
Enforcing your boundaries means believing that you deserve healthy and mature love.
Enforcing your boundaries means you’ll hold your partner accountable — and yourself accountable, too.
Enforcing your boundaries means committing to your own happiness, joy, and growth. And it starts by simply making the choice to choose yourself and stand firm.
When you choose yourself, you will see a massive ripple effect that includes so much more than boundaries.
That’s why I created the workbook: Choose Yourself: Break Patterns and Become Your Most Secure Self and it’s yours for free immediately when you pre-order my new book, It Begins With YOU: The 9 Hard Truths About Love that Will Change Your Life.
This instant-download, 23-page workbook is free and available for anyone who has already preordered the book — or who preorders between now and January 13.
You’ll learn what it means to choose yourself — and, critically, what it doesn’t mean. You’ll receive clear, actionable steps to start living the life you are meant to live — which includes your love life. I can’t wait for you to dive in. May it guide you toward a life filled with more intuition, purpose, and meaning.
If you know you want to order my book, then today is the day so you can get Choose Yourself sent immediately to your inbox! (Make sure you type in your email address correctly without any typos!)
I know choosing yourself takes courage. But you’re not alone, and I’m rooting for you.
Love,
Jillian