Join Me Tonight?
Free live session with me at 7pm ET
First, I have important news: If you’ve been considering joining The Conscious Woman membership and want to know whether it’s the right fit for you, I’m hosting a free live info + Q&A session TONIGHT, January 8th at 7pm ET. (Details to join will be sent straight to your inbox after you RSVP).
You’ll get to ask questions about the membership, you’ll learn how it works, and you’ll get clarity on whether it aligns with where you are in your life right now. Ps: the first group coaching session inside The Conscious Woman begins January 16th at 12pm ET, so tonight’s Q&A will help you make an informed, grounded decision before we begin.
If nothing else - it will be a lovely way to connect face-to-face.
One of the biggest reasons so many people struggle in love is because they confuse lust with love. And I get why. A lot of us grew up on movie scripts about love: big chemistry, big feelings, dramatic tension, sweeping moments of passion. We were taught that the person who makes our heart race, our stomach drop, and our mind obsess is “the one.” We don’t question it, because it feels powerful. In fact, it feels like destiny.
But here’s the truth most of us learn the hard way: lust and love are not the same thing.
Hollywood and romantic storytelling trained us to believe that the more intensity we feel, the more it must be right. If it’s overwhelming, if it shakes us, if it knocks us off our center, we assume it must be love. We call it “soulmate energy”. We call it fate. But what we’re actually feeling, a lot of the time, is lust combined with fantasy. Projection. The thrill of being chosen by someone who feels slightly out of reach.
Romantic storytelling taught us that love is a feeling. Not a practice. Not a choice we make over and over again in how we treat each other.
But the truth is this: great relationships are not fueled by adrenaline. They are built on trust.
True emotional intimacy doesn’t create chaos in your nervous system. It doesn’t keep you guessing or chasing. When two people care for each other’s wellbeing as deeply as their own – that is love. This creates safety and knowing that you’re on the same team. That’s when two people become each other’s “the one.”
That said, I want to be real - lust is fun. Chemistry is exciting. We are not here to live in emotionally sterile relationships with no spark. All safety and no passion is not the goal. That’s just a roommate dynamic.
One of the upsides of the mental health conversation online is that we’re becoming more aware of our patterns. We’re learning about attachment styles, nervous system responses, trauma bonds, red flags. That awareness matters. It’s helping people. But there’s also a downside: somewhere along the way, we started pathologizing every strong feeling.
Butterflies? Must be trauma.
Chemistry? Must be reenacting childhood wounds.
Intensity? Must mean it’s toxic
And that’s just simply not the full story.
We are wired to feel. To desire. To experience passion and aliveness and attraction. Chemistry is part of being human. Sometimes those butterflies are anxiety and a warning, yes. And sometimes they’re simply evidence that we are alive.
The real issue isn’t that we feel deeply. The problem is that many of us were never taught discernment. We don’t understand that just because we’re wildly attracted to someone, it doesn’t mean they’re good for us, and it definitely doesn’t mean we’re in love.
If you want a healthy relationship that lasts - one with more good seasons than painful ones - you have to prioritize who someone is over how they make you feel in the first few months. Character matters more than spark. Consistency matters more than charm. How they treat you when they’re stressed, tired, insecure, or uncomfortable tells you infinitely more than butterflies ever could.
And yet none of this works if we only apply these standards to other people.
You can’t ask for emotional maturity without doing your own work. You can’t demand honesty and accountability while avoiding hard conversations. You can’t say you want a teammate and then play games or bail when things gets real.
Be the kind of partner you wish to have in another.
Because love is not just about finding the right person. It’s about becoming someone capable of creating and participating in a safe, loving and passionate relationship.
So, will I see you tonight? Even if you can’t join live, you’ll receive the replay right after.
Love,
Jillian