I could have written the title of this. After twice separating and caving in when my husband of almost 30 years love bombed me, he eventually left for a high school girlfriend (my very 1st school friend) by sneaking out of the home we raised our 2 college-aged daughters in AT XMAS. I ended up being hospitalized for over a week with massive gall bladder attack days later during which time there were crickets from him. He then filed for divorce seeking half assets, half value of my business (he hadn't worked meaningfully for 15 years) & alimony. The incoming was so much I had no choice but to weather each storm as it hit. I quit drinking, had surgery and got through mediation and his reneging on our written deal a week before trial. Almost 2 years later I am oddly grateful not only that he left, but that he did it in the truly unkind manner that he did, because I now know I would have just kept trying to 'fix' it. The difference between loving him and loving how much I thought he loved me was lost on me until I got a lot of physical and emotional distance. I never imagined going no contact with my partner of 30 years & the father of my children, but it helped tremendously. Once I was left with myself, I learned that I am a rock star and my new found resilience is serving me in every aspect of my life. While I am not foreclosing the possibility of loving again, I am SO enjoying learning to love myself at age 57 - it's like a game deciding what I really want after spending most of my adult like figuring out what others wanted and making it happen. While I also do not advocate Divorce as a concept, in my case it was the BEST. THING. EVER. Thanks for sharing Jillian!
I could have written the title of this. After twice separating and caving in when my husband of almost 30 years love bombed me, he eventually left for a high school girlfriend (my very 1st school friend) by sneaking out of the home we raised our 2 college-aged daughters in AT XMAS. I ended up being hospitalized for over a week with massive gall bladder attack days later during which time there were crickets from him. He then filed for divorce seeking half assets, half value of my business (he hadn't worked meaningfully for 15 years) & alimony. The incoming was so much I had no choice but to weather each storm as it hit. I quit drinking, had surgery and got through mediation and his reneging on our written deal a week before trial. Almost 2 years later I am oddly grateful not only that he left, but that he did it in the truly unkind manner that he did, because I now know I would have just kept trying to 'fix' it. The difference between loving him and loving how much I thought he loved me was lost on me until I got a lot of physical and emotional distance. I never imagined going no contact with my partner of 30 years & the father of my children, but it helped tremendously. Once I was left with myself, I learned that I am a rock star and my new found resilience is serving me in every aspect of my life. While I am not foreclosing the possibility of loving again, I am SO enjoying learning to love myself at age 57 - it's like a game deciding what I really want after spending most of my adult like figuring out what others wanted and making it happen. While I also do not advocate Divorce as a concept, in my case it was the BEST. THING. EVER. Thanks for sharing Jillian!