How to survive the dark night of the soul
What helped me
Hi there,
When my husband left me right after a miscarriage — all while my mom was dying — I went into a deep, deep darkness. It was a true dark night of the soul. Dark really is the word — it felt like stumbling around, trying to find the light.
I didn’t know then that my dark night of the soul would end up being one of the most life-changing experiences of my life. And I want to talk today about how to help and love yourself when you find yourself in this disorienting chasm. The way out is through, and something better, newer, and bigger is on the other side.
What is the dark night of the soul?
When you feel lost, questioning your very existence, and feel stuck in a deep place within yourself — a kind of rock bottom — you’re in the dark night of the soul. It’s extremely common to end up there after ending a significant relationship and facing heartbreak. Tons of people go into the dark night of the soul as they’re getting sober and no longer have their addiction to numb out pain. People go into a dark night of the soul when they’ve lost their jobs — especially jobs that were integral to their identity, when they’ve run out of money, when they’re grieving a loss, or when unprocessed trauma shows up.
Fundamentally, a dark night of the soul means facing the depths of our own pasts, sadness, and selves — and we’ve usually lost all sense of who we are. It’s an identity crisis, and we don’t know who we are or where we’re going. It’s a feeling of total loss and being entirely untethered. It’s uncertainty like we’ve never experienced.
To be clear — the dark night of the soul isn’t a punishment. It’s not karmic retribution from the universe. And most importantly: It’s not unique. This moment is part of the natural cycle of life. It’s the reality of being a human being.
The dark night of the soul comes with an opportunity: You can emerge with a new sense of identity and self. And if you find yourself in the dark night of the soul, you probably need this new start — and you just need to find your way to the other side. Here’s how.