The Person You Should Marry

The most important decision you will ever make.

Hi there,

I will never forget reading a post on Threads. A woman was days away from her wedding when she discovered that her fiancé had been having an affair and had gotten another woman pregnant. Desperate and devastated, she turned to strangers on the internet and asked the question that was consuming her. Should I still marry him? He was remorseful. He promised therapy. So much had already been planned, so much money spent, and she had dreamed about this day her entire life. She loved him. Could they work through it?

Most of the replies told her to run. To cancel the wedding immediately. To never look back.

I decided to comment too.

What I said was this. Who you decide to marry is the most important decision you will ever make in your life. Do not marry him.

I rarely give strong, directional advice about leaving a serious long-term relationship on the internet because most situations are nuanced and have far more sides than a single post can reveal. But this was different. The answer was clear.

And yet it was not clear to her. Because when we love someone, when we have built a future with them in our minds and in our plans and in our hearts, leaving them can feel nearly impossible even when leaving is the only real option. Which made me think of something that has become one of the most important principles I share with anyone thinking about marriage: