What if I’m the avoidant one?

Let’s demystify avoidant attachment.

Hi there,

Last week, I answered a reader’s question about her avoidant ex — a man she dated for three months before he pulled away without warning. It sounded deeply painful and upsetting. But while she wanted to know how to contort herself to get him back, I really wanted to help her find some power and agency in her situation. 

After publishing last week’s post, I received a comment I wanted to address:

Curious if anybody relates to the other side of this story? And, Jillian, if you have advice if you do see more reflection of yourself in the avoidant partner side here?

So today, I want to speak to the avoidant partner — and my hope is that this answer will demystify avoidant attachment both for those of us who are avoidantly attached and those of us who keep choosing avoidantly attached partners.

I’ll cover: Where does avoidance come from? How does it manifest? What’s going on inside an avoidant’s head? From there, I’ll outline the steps to healing and breaking the avoidant pattern. 

Let’s get into it.