You weren’t rejected. You were redirected.
Here's the truth.
Hi there,
Rejection hurts. There’s no denying it.
Whether it’s someone not texting back, a breakup you didn’t see coming, or being passed over for a position you deeply wanted — rejection taps into something primal. It activates our need for belonging, our longing to be chosen, our hope that this time, it might be different.
And in those raw, confusing moments, it’s easy to collapse into shame. To assume the worst: If they didn’t choose me, if I didn’t get the job, if I didn’t make the cut — there must be something wrong with me.
We live in a world that equates rejection with failure. But what if that interpretation is part of the problem?
What if rejection is not the final word on your worth — but an invitation to grow, to reflect, to realign? What if you weren’t rejected, you were redirected?
Here’s the truth: How we interpret rejection has more power than you can ever imagine. Let me explain.
In behavioral science, there’s a concept called explanatory style — it’s how you explain to yourself why something happened.
Two people can go through the exact same experience and walk away with radically different stories. One person might think: “I’m unlovable. This always happens. I’ll never find someone who wants me.” The other might think: “That wasn’t the right match. I’m disappointed, but I trust something better aligned will come.”
That shift — from internalizing the rejection to contextualizing it — is the difference between getting stuck and moving forward. It’s not about blind optimism. It’s about psychological resilience. It’s about meaning.
Here’s what I wish more people understood: Rejection is information. It’s data. It tells you something important — about what matters to you, about your patterns, and about what’s not meant for you. But too often, we assign the wrong meaning to it.
We don’t pause to reflect — we personalize. We self-blame or write off the other person as “just not ready” without doing the deeper work of asking: What’s this trying to show me?
So let’s break it down.
1. Rejection = Feedback
When a date doesn’t go anywhere, when a relationship ends, or when someone simply doesn’t feel the same way — we often question our value. But what if we reframed rejection as a signal that something wasn’t aligned?
It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re fundamentally unworthy. It means the connection didn’t meet the needs of both people. That’s it.
And sometimes, yes — there are things to improve. This is where self-reflection matters. The most successful daters and partners are the ones who can look at their role in what happened — not from a place of self-judgment, but from curiosity and accountability.
How to move on after a situationship
Some of the worst emotional pain can come from a situationship — an undefined, intense relationship — ending. It’s a complicated kind of grief — and one that can reveal deeper wounds within us. I want to talk about the specific type of heartbreak that comes from ending a situationship, or any short term and very intense connection. And, of course, I want to dive into the deep healing we need to do to move on.
2. Sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you need — or what’s good for you.
Let’s talk about romantic projection. Many people chase others who activate something deep inside them — familiarity, longing, unfinished business from childhood. We confuse that emotional activation with alignment.
But sometimes, the people we want the most are the people who are actually least equipped to meet our needs. So when it doesn’t work out, it can feel like a loss. But it might actually be a win you can’t yet recognize.
This is what I call romantic redirection: the pain of not getting what you want followed by the clarity of realizing it wasn’t what you needed. It’s the moment when you stop romanticizing what could have been, and start honoring reality.
When to stay and when to go.
Understanding when to leave a relationship or when to keep trying is the most common question I get. It’s the most difficult. And in this video, I’m diving into concrete steps to get out of your head. To stop feeling so stuck. To find your power and agency.
3. Your brain will look for patterns. You choose what story it tells.
Our brains are designed to seek patterns. If you’ve been rejected multiple times, it’s easy to build a narrative: “This always happens to me.” But that narrative can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you believe you’re always the one who’s left, you might unconsciously choose partners who reinforce that story. Or you might give up too early, assuming the worst before the connection has a chance to grow.
So here’s the challenge: Don’t confuse a pattern with a truth. You have agency in what you do next. You can learn, evolve, and interrupt cycles. You can decide that rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy — it means you’re refining what you value and how you show up.
Why you’ll fall in love with the wrong person
We’ve all been there — I’ve done it. It’s human. If you’re someone who habitually falls for the wrong person, you can break that pattern. But it’ll take some self knowledge and self curiosity.
4. Rejection builds the muscles you’ll need for love.
Relationships require vulnerability. They require resilience. Rejection is not a detour from the path — it is the path. It’s where we develop emotional endurance. It’s where we learn to stay grounded, challenge our limiting beliefs, and get crystal clear on our non-negotiables.
And the truth is, we are not for everyone. And not everyone is for us.
Which brings me to the most important shift…
5. You decide the meaning.
Someone not choosing you is not the end of your story. It’s an inflection point. You can decide that it means you weren’t good enough, or you can decide it means something better — more aligned, more mutual, more sustainable — is out there. And you can decide to become someone who chooses themselves regardless of who walks away.
Because the real transformation happens when rejection no longer threatens your identity. When it becomes a part of the data set — not a definition of who you are. That’s where dating starts to feel different. That’s where growth becomes visible. That’s where self-worth becomes stable.
Rejection is hard. Let yourself feel it. But don’t stop there.
Use it. Learn from it. Let it sharpen your discernment and deepen your resilience.
And most importantly, let it redirect you toward the love and life that’s actually built for you.
Love,
Jillian