3 green flags you can’t ignore

Hi there,

I want to start by thanking each and every one of you for your support this week — I launched my first book, It Begins With You. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for each person who came to an event, ordered the book, told someone about my work, or is cracking open the first chapter today. I can’t wait to hear what you think.

Lately, I’m hearing from people in new relationships who are going through their first “test.” But those early tests are something I love talking about, because they can make or break a relationship.

The reality is that life can be stressful. There are big stressors like major illness or losing your job, but there are also so many tiny stressors in everyday life. You forgot to do the laundry and so your work uniform isn’t clean. You ran out of eggs, so your morning routine is shot. Your boss won’t stop nagging you about that project, even though you’re making good progress. Your friend is upset with you for not showing up for them. And a million other things.

And the giddy joy of a new relationship doesn’t erase the reality of daily life. So for many people, your first test in a relationship will be regular, daily stress — or, you might really get tested and run right into something major.

I truly believe that we don’t know a person until we’ve been through some sort of stress with them.

I don’t mean the stress is necessarily shared — more likely than not, one of you will have something stressful in your own life. But of course, individual stress shows up in relationships. That moment — where your individual stress shows up in your relationship — is where you really learn about your partner.

And how your new partner handles it — and how you handle it together — is the key.