Stop settling for nonsense.

Let’s get real.

Hi there,

When it comes to picking a partner, attraction is crucial. Charm can be a very valuable social skill. I don’t want you to choose someone safe who bores the hell out of you.

But now that I’ve got that out of the way, hear me out: If you’re falling for just charm or letting your physical attraction to someone be the reason why you invest in them emotionally, you’re basically signing yourself up for heartbreak.

Charm is fun in the beginning. They make you laugh, they flatter you, they know how to turn on the twinkle. But then what? You find out they can’t text back, can’t keep a promise, and can’t show up when it actually matters.

Let’s just call it what it is: nonsense.

The problem is that too many of us treat nonsense like it’s normal. We rationalize it and excuse it, because the person sometimes says the right words. Or because we don’t want to be alone. Or because we’re still clinging to the hope that if we’re patient, they’ll finally grow up.

But let me save you a lot of wasted energy: They won’t.

I’m not here to shame anyone for putting up with the intolerable. I’ve been there. But I am trying to light a fire under you so that you finally draw the line in the sand and say, “no more.” This is what it means to choose yourself.

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

Nonsense takes many forms.

Nonsense takes many shapes, but the pattern is always the same: You’re left feeling disrespected, undervalued, or straight-up invisible.

There’s the woman who keeps sleeping with the guy who ignores her most of the day, only to get ghosted right after. She tells herself it’s casual, that she’s fine with it, that she doesn’t need more. But the pit in her stomach says otherwise.

There’s the guy whose new girlfriend refuses to integrate him into her life. She won’t introduce him to friends and won’t let him in on the daily rhythm. She’s “too busy.” But the minute he sets a boundary, suddenly she wants him again.

And then there’s the classic: the person who makes grand declarations — like “I love you.” “You’re the only one I want.” — but their actions scream the opposite. They lie, they flake, they disappear.

Nonsense.

---

---

So why do smart, capable, otherwise grounded people settle for this kind of nonsense?

We put up with nonsense because on some level, it feels familiar. Maybe we grew up learning to take scraps and call it a meal. Maybe we’ve confused attraction with love. Maybe we’re addicted to the highs and lows, the push and pull.

And let’s be honest. Sometimes, it’s because the drama gives us a story to tell, something to dissect with friends over wine. But here’s the truth: That story always ends the same way — with you drained, anxious, and wondering why you keep ending up in situations that make you feel small.

---

Nonsense isn’t harmless.

This isn’t just about bad dates or wasted weekends. Settling for nonsense has real consequences.

It chips away at your self-worth. It trains your nervous system to normalize bad behavior. It convinces you that unreliable, inconsistent, and disrespectful behavior is just part of the process.

But a relationship — or even getting to know a kind person with strong character — isn’t supposed to feel like bracing yourself for the next letdown. If you’re constantly on edge, waiting for the next excuse or the next ghosting…listen to me: It’s nonsense.

And it isn’t harmless. It leaves scars.

You’ve got to set the bar higher.

At some point, you have to stop giving your energy to people who don’t deserve it. If they can’t show up, let them go. It’s not your job to teach a grown adult how to care about another human being. You can raise your kids. You can raise your standards. But you are not responsible for raising someone else’s emotional IQ.

The solution isn’t complicated, but it does take courage: Stop settling for nonsense.

Raise your bar. Decide that respect, consistency, and care aren’t “nice-to-haves” — they’re the bare minimum.

This doesn’t mean you expect perfection. People are human. Mistakes happen. But there’s a difference between imperfection and indifference. Between forgetting once and a pattern.

Here’s the standard: If someone says they’ll show up, they do. If they say they care, it shows in their actions. If they want to be in your life, they make space for you, not just when you threaten to walk away.

And if they don’t?

You don’t negotiate with nonsense. You walk.

---

---

Life is too short to settle for nonsense.

It’s too short to keep waiting for people who never arrive. Too short to keep giving your body to people who can’t give you their attention. Too short to mistake emotional rollercoasters for chemistry.

The truth is simple: You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate. And when you stop tolerating nonsense, you stop attracting it.

So, raise your standards. Delete the dead weight. Stop picking up the phone for people who only remember you exist at midnight on a Friday. Stop texting first when they’ve already shown they can’t be consistent.

And then you pour yourself a glass of wine — or sparkling water, whatever makes you feel celebratory, and you toast to yourself. Because deciding you’re no longer available for half-ass effort is a milestone worth celebrating.

Love,
Jillian